I think I might be a morning person, at least once I work up the enthusiasm to get out of bed. I like the peace that morning brings. I like the way my mind is open to the day ahead. I like that I can start my day slowly, however I choose. My mind is clearer in the morning. I have more energy.
I’m ready to take on the world and whatever it throws my way.
Depression stole this from me, depression made me hate mornings. Restless sleep leaving me in a mental fog. The pressure of decision making. The fear of another day of feeling like life really wasn’t worth this amount of pain. Going through the motions. Mentally ticking boxes in my recovery but feeling like nothing made any difference.
Knowing that tomorrow morning would just be the same.
Earlier this year, as my mood took a downward turn, I put in place my relapse prevention plan. Using strategies that I had come up with in therapy to halt the downward spiral of mood, and it worked. At least it worked in that my mood didn’t continue to worsen but it didn’t improve things.
I don’t know when the change occurred, maybe it’s linked to the warmer weather and sunnier days of spring, maybe it’s because in blogging and writing poetry I can express my emotions, maybe my anti-depressants are finally at the correct dosage. All I know is that this morning, this beautiful sunny, spring morning, I have realised that I feel good. I feel calm, relaxed, hopeful.
I feel like my life has purpose once more, that I can achieve my dreams.
That everything will be ok.
And that is just perfect.
Wishing you all a beautiful day,