“You’re doing really well”

The longer I live with depression and PTSD, the more I understand about what drives my thoughts and actions.  Two of my (many) engagements last week were mental health reviews; my usual monthly chat with my GP and a one-off appointment with a very nice psychiatrist to review my medication.

The high level outcome of these appointments was that I’m doing really well and at this moment they are happy with my medications and doses.

I don’t specifically remember how my mood was 4 weeks ago, or what I talked about with my GP then, but I am aware that this time I was very animated, enthusiastic and positive. I talked about my poetry, my running, about our recent holiday. I told him about my appointment with the psychiatrist, and how he had said (more than once) that I’m doing really well. I talked about medication and mood.

In some ways the appointment was similar to all the other appointments, as each month is a recap on anything and everything that impacts my mood. But it struck me that there’s been a significant shift recently. I seem to remember writing a blog about it, where I pondered whether the origin was the arrival of spring (I will have to look for it, to see what and when I wrote)… Morning Person published on 5th April.

Regardless of the origin, this is huge progress. Having been struggling with all the typical symptoms for what seems like an eternity, to experience life without the heaviness of depression feels like freedom.

There are a number of things that I take away from these appointments:

  1. that I do a lot of things to maintain my mental health, and medication plays only a small part in preventing relapse
  2. that the person best placed to drive my recovery forward is me
  3. that due to the complexity of my trauma I will have a significant wait before I can recommence therapy, in order to be assigned to the most appropriate psychologist
  4. that I will continue to take medication for a minimum of 3 years
  5. that I need to be mindful of warning signs that my mood is worsening and take action
  6. that I need to ease up on the goal setting/high-achiever/perfectionist part of me and nurture the compassionate/relaxed/self-care side
  7. that I am doing really well and recovery IS possible

 

When dark days fall it is all too easy to feel that things will never improve, that every day will just be a repeat of the last, over and over and over… I have been down to the darkest depths, with no glimmer of brighter days to come. I want to believe in recovery, I want to always remember the ebb and flow of mood, and to know that no matter how bleak things may seem, it will not be that way forever. Depression destroys our belief in recovery, but depression is a liar. We just need to keep fighting.

Love to all,
Karen xx

 

 

Comments

8 comments on ““You’re doing really well””
  1. Alys says:

    These are brilliant things to realise about your recovery, it’s uplifting reading about your positive outlook on it all! I really wish you the best❤
    Alys
    http://www.alysjournals.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Thank you for such a lovely message.
      I am generally a positive person, which I think makes it harder for me to accept the way depression changes that. I have been through a lot of tough times over the years and without positivity I would be in a worse place.
      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sharon says:

    Being someone who has battled depression for most of my life, I do greatly admire anyone who finds the path through their own battle onto a road of recovery that seems to be going so well. It would be such a wonderful feeling…and one that maybe one day I will fully be on. Seems like just when I think the medications are working, I start to slide backwards. I have often thought about a counselor, or even a true counselor or such….to find my continual road to progress. I congratulate you on your positive journey Karen!!! May your path continue to lay out just right before you!!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Thank you Sharon, I too have experienced the slide backwards. Over the last 18 months it’s been very much trial and error with medication. The combination and dosage I am on now is quite new to me, so there is a risk that my mood may not be maintained longer term but while it’s good I’m going with it!
      I genuinely believe that writing has played an important part in my recovery, in particular my poetry… it’s given me a positive focus for the future.
      You will find a way to recovery, as we know it’s not as simple as taking a tablet and suddenly everything’s fine. Hopefully you will find a medication/therapy that works for you and then you can build on the positives in life.
      Thank you for lovely reply to my post xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Nathi says:

    Karen, I can’t thank you enough for sharing this post! It was much a needed reminder that depression is a liar and recovery is possible 💙💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      I’m glad it helped you.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.