It’s not a flaming rollercoaster

I am not a fan of people comparing an emotional journey to a rollercoaster. I understand why, with the highs and lows ever changing, like our emotions… but a rollercoaster is supposed to be exhilarating, enjoyable, fun(?!).

Obviously, one’s emotions while riding a literal rollercoaster would depend on the individual, but if our emotions were veering towards terrified and nauseous then surely we would pass on riding? Also, once we have experienced these literal highs and lows and the ride finishes, we simply get off, walk away and go back to whatever life was before. That simply doesn’t happen in the metaphorical emotional rollercoaster.

I haven’t spoken much about my fertility problems, and I apologise if this is upsetting to read, but living through this was, to put it mildly, upsetting.

… just imagine the hope each month, the hope that this will be the month that you fall pregnant.
Imagine that hope building day after day and being followed by disappointment, month after month after month.
Imagine (well meaning) people asking when you’re going to have children.
Imagine a work colleague showing off her scan photos and the heartbreak you feel that it’s not you.
Imagine the same colleague showing off her baby in the office, months later.
Imagine the thousands of pounds spent on IVF, but you would spend a million if it meant you could have a baby.
Imagine the emotional investment in the process and the absolute conviction that it will work, but it doesn’t.

There is no happy ending, no walking away from the rollercoaster unscathed and merrily continuing with your life. The rollercoaster derailed, it left you hanging in the air, so far adrift from what life was and from what you hoped life would be.

Exhilarating? Enjoyable? Fun? I don’t think so.

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Hi, I'm Karen, creator of which is home to my poetry, art and general ramblings. I am the author two collections of poetry, 'Kaleidoscopic Beauty' & 'I am the Stars in the Sky', and the children's book 'All That Glitters' (not yet published). I also enjoy running.

9 thoughts on “It’s not a flaming rollercoaster

  1. A lovely post. I really feel for you. I can’t imagine how that must have felt month in month out 😔 I am so pleased you have been able to adopt and you are quite right that the rollercoaster isn’t something we just get off. Sending loads of love and thanks for this great post xx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s past history for me. We adopted two boys 11 years ago, they’re teenagers now.
        I think I blogged about infertility because writing about the metaphorical rollercoaster of cancer treatment was too raw.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I learnt quite late in life that my mother wanted more children than just me but she had to have her fallopian tubes removed after my birth so I was an only child. Mum came from a large family of five and Dad from one of thirteen so it must have been a great sadness for them.

    Liked by 1 person

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