I am not a fan of people comparing an emotional journey to a rollercoaster. I understand why, with the highs and lows ever changing, like our emotions… but a rollercoaster is supposed to be exhilarating, enjoyable, fun(?!).
Obviously, one’s emotions while riding a literal rollercoaster would depend on the individual, but if our emotions were veering towards terrified and nauseous then surely we would pass on riding? Also, once we have experienced these literal highs and lows and the ride finishes, we simply get off, walk away and go back to whatever life was before. That simply doesn’t happen in the metaphorical emotional rollercoaster.
I haven’t spoken much about my fertility problems, and I apologise if this is upsetting to read, but living through this was, to put it mildly, upsetting.
… just imagine the hope each month, the hope that this will be the month that you fall pregnant.
Imagine that hope building day after day and being followed by disappointment, month after month after month.
Imagine (well meaning) people asking when you’re going to have children.
Imagine a work colleague showing off her scan photos and the heartbreak you feel that it’s not you.
Imagine the same colleague showing off her baby in the office, months later.
Imagine the thousands of pounds spent on IVF, but you would spend a million if it meant you could have a baby.
Imagine the emotional investment in the process and the absolute conviction that it will work, but it doesn’t.
There is no happy ending, no walking away from the rollercoaster unscathed and merrily continuing with your life. The rollercoaster derailed, it left you hanging in the air, so far adrift from what life was and from what you hoped life would be.
Exhilarating? Enjoyable? Fun? I don’t think so.