Always looking for the blue sky

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about gratitude. Specifically all the things in my life that I can be grateful for… I’m not going to be overly sentimental about this but in amongst the crap there are some real jewels, whether it be people, places or experiences, or things that I enjoy simply for what they are, such as music, ice cream and sleeping!

At difficult times in my life I find myself almost drifting into a state of disbelief that what is happening is happening, and instead believe it’s just a dream (nightmare) and the reality is something better, easier, happier. This sense of disbelief has always turned my attention away from the bad experience (trauma/distress) and made me see the good things in life, as though if my brain acknowledges enough sunshine then it will gloss over the rain… looking for the blue sky behind the clouds.

But the rain still falls, the clouds still obscure the blue sky/sun, and the bad thing is still there, no matter how much you want to wish it away.

Regardless of the origin of my glass half full approach to life, it hasn’t helped my mental health because it means the trauma wasn’t dealt with appropriately at the time (or at a later date) because it wasn’t happening, it wasn’t real… it was neatly packaged away in a box marked “DO NOT OPEN“. Those boxes sit gathering dust in the dark recesses of my mind given only a cursory glance when something triggers it.

My poem today (Step Away) talks about wanting to step away from difficulties to find peace and that is what I do in practicing gratitude. I step away from my problems, away from life’s monumental pile of crap, and gaze at a gorgeous sunset, watch clouds move across the sky, smell the blossom and revel in the beauty of the world, in the kindness of people, in a smile or a comforting hug, in a warm summer breeze, or pure white snowfall.

Taking notice of and appreciating the good things, makes me feel that the world isn’t such a bad place after all.

ย *ย  this post was intended to be about gratitude but it kind of drifted, so I just went with the flow! ๐Ÿ™‚

Comments

7 comments on “Always looking for the blue sky”
  1. I relate to this. I do think the kind of attitude we have to trauma is significant, as it if we feel it ‘shouldnt’ have happened that can make it harder. Ideally it would be good if it hadnt but if it has what can we learn from it. I cant always adopt this approach but it helps as does music and ice cream (two of my favourite go toos as well). ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Kindred spirits, music and ice cream do it for me too!
      Dealing with a sense of unfairness certainly adds to the difficulties.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Doesnt it… that is the hardest of all… โค

        Liked by 1 person

  2. kertsen says:

    I’m not sure what not dealing with trauma means since we cannot help but react to the unpleasant or nasty things that happen to us.
    Take marriage ; some resolve their problems , others need marriage guidance , and still others have to separate, but these are all ways of coming to terms with trauma. I don’t know much about breakdown but isn’t it just due to failure in coming to terms with life ?
    My mother use to say ‘ life is not a bowl of cherries’ and the saying often rings in my head and I can hear her voice just as it sounded.
    Could it be that some are far more sensitive than others for reasons unknown and so they cannot recover from the knocks and put-downs .
    I don’t think I’m thick-skinned but who can say , it’s impossible to see ourselves as others see us. Those famous words ‘ pull yourself together ‘ are easily said but often not what is needed and a sympathetic ear is a wiser course of action.

    Like

    1. Karen says:

      The issue is when the reaction is inappropriate, for example acting as though nothing has happened, outwardly brushing it off when inside you want to scream. All memories live in the mind’s filing cabinet, some memories are shoved right to the back and are forgotten about, like what you ate for lunch last Friday. Some have slipped from their folder, like the name of that person you spoke to at the supermarket… and weeks later you still can’t place them. Others have been incorrectly stored in the “things to worry about” folder – like phobias, spiders, heights, water, dogs – whatever your phobia is it would seem that some experience has escalated it to ring warning bells when encountered.
      PTSD occurs when these memories haven’t been processed correctly, and instead are perceived as a current threat.

      Like

  3. I am glad you drifted because I find echoes of what I feel in this honest look inside. Thanks for sharing Karen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Happy to help ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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