Banished from the Kingdom of Serenity

Write post – delete – start again…

I want to write of how hurt and upset I am but fear that doing so will trigger more tears and start another negative spiral down.Β  And what I want more than anything is to move on from this and get back to the happy me that I was this time yesterday morning.

But I’m not able to just move on.

A person I considered a friend, someone who knows the difficulties of my situation (social/emotional/family), someone I have confided in, has been criticising me behind my back.Β  And I would not have expected this of her.Β  That’s all I’m going to say because my mental health is still fragile, despite everything in my this time last year post, despite all the progress I’ve made, despite my achievements, success and positivity, it just takes one thing.

One upsetting moment and all the emotions flood back, depression is still there, it’s waiting for any opportunity to tell me that I’m worthless, that I shouldn’t bother, that I’m a failure.

I know that’s not true.

I know the reality.

I can write a list of all the stuff that contradicts depression, but it doesn’t make it disappear.Β  My knowledge is not a magic wand that can banish depression from the kingdom of serenity.

Today will be a self-care day, I will build my resilience back up and continue with my managed existence of minimising stress and looking after myself.

Thank you for reading,
K x

ps the poem I have scheduled to post later today I wrote yesterday morning, it’s very appropriate to how I feel now.

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Hi, I'm Karen, creator of which is home to my poetry, art and general ramblings. I am the author two collections of poetry, 'Kaleidoscopic Beauty' & 'I am the Stars in the Sky', and the children's book 'All That Glitters' (not yet published). I also enjoy running.

17 thoughts on “Banished from the Kingdom of Serenity

  1. People love to talk smack about other people, and then come running to tell you everything that was said about you. The best way to deal with people like this:

    1. Never listen to someone who is talking smack about someone else. Being permissive of this gives the speaker the idea that you are okay with this behavior, and they will soon be discussing your business with others too.

    2. Never speak critically (or better yet, at all), of anyone else, to anyone else. Ever. Under any circumstance.

    3. Pay attention to who talks about others and who does not. Never discuss your own business with someone who talks about other people (see number 1). This will tell you immediately who you can and cannot trust. People you can trust may confide in you about themselves, but they won’t confide in you about other people; because they respect trust.

    4. People who talk about other people are generally insecure and/or jealous. Very often, they do this in order to promote themselves as being superior, and in order to do that, they usually have to engage in thinking errors like attribution error and negative bias. This means their opinion is pretty much non-factual and possibly delusional.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One of the most difficult things for any of us to do is to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes , and we all have a spirit of criticism even if we do not admit to it.
    Years ago my mother used to take me to play with her friends child. When we returned she would always complain about poor Brian who was over exuberant. Mum blamed lack of discipline rather than the boy himself. Looking back I can see it was Brian’s character and he became a tear-away teenager with a motor bike and leather jacket.

    Liked by 1 person

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