Now that my mind is firmly cemented back in happy mode, I may be exaggerating somewhat but no tears since Saturday is a good thing! I can rationally reflect on how irrational my level of distress was. Thank you to all who gave me kind words of support.
I’m still disappointed in the actions and words of this person but their words were unfounded. I know I give what I can when I can, I don’t let people down with false expectations, if something is too difficult (emotionally) for me to take part in then I say I can’t do it or that I’ll need support. I do my best every day to manage within the constraints of my physical, mental and social circumstances and for that I am proud. In living through adversity I appreciate the struggles of others and I’m also very aware that people may have stuff going on behind their public façade.
Why did it affect me so deeply? Was it because I care too much about what people think or because I felt let down? I’m not certain, but I know it was depression that magnified the reaction. I’ve been ‘well’ for around two months, maybe longer, and had reached that complacent stage, the one where you think “at last I’m better, it’s over, no more depression yay!” and then BAM something knocks you back and give you a stark reminder that your better is still fragile, that being well isn’t that same as not having depression anymore.
Depression you truly suck… but the longer I live with you the more I get to know you. And one day I’ll see you coming and turn you away from my happy place, lock the gates at the Kingdom of Serenity, because you are not welcome here… and neither are the opinionated judgmental folk unless they know not to share.
[as an aside I should definitely write a ‘Kingdom of Serenity’ poem]