More than good enough

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much my life has changed over the past year and most significantly during 2018.  Sometimes it’s good to look back if only to realise how far you’ve come!

I know I’ve written about this before but I’m awestruck.

I could never have imagined these changes at any time in my life.

The words “I am a runner” were not ones I would have spoken.  Neither were “I am a writer/poet/author”.  I have lacked confidence for most of my life; as a child I was shy, quiet, bookish, as a student I doubted my abilities and was terrified of failure, as a girlfriend I couldn’t believe that I was good enough and that people actually liked me, as an employee I worked hard but wouldn’t ever promote my achievements.

I have always worried about what people think of me, worried about looking stupid, worried about upsetting people, worried about being criticised.

I have never been confident, I have never been proud of myself.  I have spent most of my life downplaying my successes and believing that I was never good enough.  Being self-critical.  Ashamed by the things I couldn’t do, feeling I had to be able do everything and do it well.

I remember writing in my journal following a therapy session.  I remember listing my achievements but deep down couldn’t accept that I was good enough, let alone successful.

I’m not exactly sure of when the shift occurred, maybe the seeds were sown in therapy (EMDR) last year and they’ve been germinating since, waiting until now to bloom.  All I know is that now I have confidence in my abilities, in my goals, in my achievements.  I am good enough, or even better than that.  I no longer feel that everything good that happens is because of chance, I know that I am an integral part of it.

I know that it’s ok to not know something, and to make mistakes.

I know it’s not a failing on my part to have depression.

I know it’s ok to struggle in managing difficult situations (e.g. school holidays)

We can’t ever go back in time to change what has gone before, all we can do is learn from the past and use that knowledge to make things better.

Life is a process. 

We learn, we change, we grow.  

K x

self-belief

Comments

12 comments on “More than good enough”
  1. Your life is an inspiration Karen. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Aw thank you, that’s so kind xx 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are welcome. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wind Kisses says:

    This was inspiring, Karen. And you will find it interesting that I read it from a different point of view. I was a competitive runner for 40 years. It WAS my life and the day the surgeon said: “you are no longer a runner” was one of my toughest days. Total meltdown in the office, that he didn’t expect. lol.

    Where you have found a passion, I was looking in the mirror, wondering WHAT would I do next. It’s all good! Because, you see, what I learned in the “process” was there was something that there was still “me”.

    I don’t know you until today, and I look forward to following your running journey with you. Hugs, Donna

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Hi Donna, thanks for your reply. I can relate to your reaction. When you have something taken away from you that you feel is what makes you, you. It is soul destroying, from around age 15 I knew I wanted to be a mum, when I couldn’t have children it destroyed me as that was my aim in life. It’s been a long road for me in getting to the point I’m at now but I am glad I’m here.
      Life seems to be a process of adaptation and change, nothing is forever.
      Take care xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wind Kisses says:

        Yes.. And we Just. keep moving. forward. Thank goodness. I am glad you are here too.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. ashleyleia says:

    It makes such a big difference to find things that you’re passionate about.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Invisibly Me says:

    Beautifully said, Karen. ” All I know is that now I have confidence in my abilities, in my goals, in my achievements” – this is quite an achievement in itself, and accepting that it’s okay to not be okay. You’re are more than good enough, you rock! ♥
    Caz xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Karen says:

      Aw thanks Caz ❤️
      It’s sad that I’ve had to live through not feeling good enough for so long but awesome that I am where I am now! 😁

      Liked by 1 person

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