Having been asked by Stoner on a Rollercoaster if I would contribute a post to be shared for Mental Health Awareness month I began reading through my historic, mental health themed posts. Two things became apparent; firstly how far I’ve come in the last year from the highs and lows of early recovery to the vaguely steady state that I’m in now, and secondly how my blog has changed resulting from my improved mood.
I’m not saying that my writing was all gloom and doom back then but there was definitely a greater focus on my emotions. I shared good days and bad, pondered the meaning of life, and ranted about those who had hurt me. My blog was a continuation of therapy, and as I became more and more aware of the origins of my difficulties, I was able to process the why of the bad days, and the how of moving forward.
Life, while not perfect, has settled into a holding pattern. I’m loathe to talk about mental health as a journey as that implies a starting point and a definitive destination, and mental health doesn’t work like that – unless you actually are following the world’s worst satnav.
The journey of mental health recovery is littered with stop signs, diversions, and wrong turns. You may have a destination in mind but it’s out of reach, and may never be achieveable; hence the holding pattern analogy. Where I am right now is good, but it’s not a utopia, it’s not the last stop on the everything is better now bus route. I’m simply circling above that point and doing all I can to conserve my fuel.